Notes From My Diary ... Day 566  2 December 2006

Otherwise my health continues to improve and overall I am well and content.

The completion of my MA was delayed due to initial paralysis, and subsequent associated problems, but I am really happy to have completed and graduated.

I am continuing to work at UCE Birmingham, running the Counselling Skills courses, and find this most rewarding.  I have also extended my private therapy practice and work with individuals at Lichfield, as well as Nottingham.

Obviously this diary is not being kept up to date, and I cannot say that it will ever be, yet I will keep coming back with updates.

For the future, I am planning to attend the Gestalt European Conference in Athens in September 2007 and hope to be running an evening class for the spring term - but that will depend on sufficient numbers of attendees.

Considering the timing of this update - Merry Christmas!!

Day 197

An even longer gap !!!!  Well complications in the summer, knock backs to my health ... related to BP? Well, probably, logically ...BP has improved greatly ... have problems still with lips and eyelid however there is movement of both lid, and of eyebrow.  Lots of physio in this time, not just for BP but also for neck injury sustained in the summer and the cheek and smile is 80% normal and generally look fine to others. 

Day 27

A long gap from writing on day eleven!!!  As part of containing and managing this BP I have found working at the computer to be significant in terms of a negative effect on my eye, in particular, and to my general energy level.  Thus I spent some time experimenting with varying periods of time at the computer.  This diary did not get priority, where as signing onto the BP web site -  Bells Palsy Association  was a higher priority.

I had some great days last week, running all the way through Monday to Thursday and then on Thursday evening I awoke from my nap feeling chilly, then hot and cold.  This has lasted through until today and though feeling better, I am still suffering with flu like symptoms.

GOOD NEWS, last night I was able to twitch - move - a muscle in my cheek.  Along with no longer suffering from the severe headaches I have clearly made some progress!!!!  Hurrah !!!!

Day Eleven

RESTING:
Rest ... I hear you say
Again and again, rest.

The left cheek has an enforced rest
Should I turn the other cheek,
Could I a_rest someone for this?

I hear you say it's best to rest
What of the rest of me, the rest of you?

For now, I think, I'll give it a rest!

Well day nine afternoon saw a lift in my spirits; and came out of my weekly therapy session - which is part of my life and not related to getting BP....  I came away with more resolve and energy to tackle the differing tasks and problems in front of me, and also to allow myself space to spent time enjoying activities - and ofr me that particularly includes baking .. an activity I have always found relaxing and a time that allows me to be physically creative and productive whilst my mind is able to process in the background.

So, the rest of day nine, and all of day ten have been upbeat; I'm feeling grounded, and content.  Equally I have continued to suffer a lot of pain from my neck, and the taste in my mouth has got worse and more persistent.  Yesterday I baked 11 fruit cakes, and today am going to bake a lemon sponge, with cream filling; and for tea tonight will make some sultana scones!!!!

Today I received a letter for an appointment with the maxillofacial clinical for the week after next.  Not sure what this will do for me, but if throws any light on the cause of my BP then that will be comforting.  I'm not expecting much out of this, to be honest.

My energy is still up, this morning; I'm able to keep my eye uncovered for longer and I believe this is a major factor in my well being.  Yesterday I was able to go through two spells of several hours with my eye uncovered, although this is whilst remaining indoors.  I will continue to pay attention to putting eye drops in - very important - and also vary my viewing to avoid too much exposure to, for example, working on the computer.

There in no change in my facial movement, though the muscles appear tighter - not droopy - and so everyone looks at me and comments on how well I'm looking! I want to avoid getting up any hope that this means the BP will be recovering any time soon!!!  I'm cautious about being optimistic.

Day Nine

day eight was absolutely the worst do far, such constant nagging pain behind my ear, and facially it felt so bruised!  To top all of that the night previous my elbow decided to blow up like a balloon - well gold ball size at least!!!  Nothing at all to do with the Bells Palsy - yet amazing co-incidence ...  Probably because I am compensating by the use of my right hand more - the left often holding my mouth, or 'blinking' my eye.  The right elbow has been sore/bruised for awhile and that I believe is due to the additional level of computer typing; following the stage one completion of my MA.

Well it's early in the morning and the pain today is so much less, so feeling more refreshed!  Visits to doctor and dentist - well, rest, take care of the eye, from the doctor; dentist to send me to the maxillo clinic to see if they can find out what has gone on

Day Seven

This is morning of day seven .... have not been up too long.  Pain behind my ear is back ... and that's frustrating. I know it will go away, so .... okay.

I've spent some time on the BP web forum site   Bells Palsy Association  this morning, and during the night.  They are a great bunch of people.  I get a little downhearted when I hear things like - 'into my 21 week'!!!  I am so hoping this will not last an undue length of time.  I am concerned for my working ...

I'm at the doctor letter, also the dentist, and cannot really think of what use either will really be - yes the docotr can prescribe more steroid pills, but what else - really???

Have spent some time over the last day and a half thinking about my own therapy, and how lucky/glad I am to be having this.  I remember six years ago never wanting to consider talking to anyONE!!!  I am so glad I have moved on and can own so much more of how I feel, how I am, and have the strength to be in touch with my own self.

Day Six

Well the pain in my neck/behind the ear has been absent yesterday and today.  From yesterday I was able to leave the tape off my eye for an hour or so, twice, whilst indoors.  Today however I managed to be out without the tape on my eye however I bought some wrap around sunglasses and they seem to be working in keeping a lot of the wind out of my eye.  So - thank you NEXT - glasses were very cheap as well - 9.99.  NEXT was not a shop I frequented except to get something for my sons.

Right now - evening on Monday 23 May, I am more up beat.  I have had some tingles in my face, and my eye lid has been tremouring!!!  Being able to get out, being able to spend time with both eyes open, a great relief and joy.  I have noticed, though that the effected eye does not seem to focus - I guess that is part of the muscle problem (?)

I went into Nottingham this afternoon - hence the sunglasses - and all was fine yet got tired quite quickly.  In consideration of the emotional, rather then the physical, strain of BP I reckon the tiredness is due to retroflection.  If I was to not retroflect, what would I do? .....  cry .... feel sorry for myself ... be sad .... be angry .... and I have done all this, and feel all this ....  In acknowledging to myself my retroflection the tiredness lifted a little, and I was able to hold the feelings for what they are.

Day Three

Well today woke with extreme hot pain behind my ear - is this part of the palsy?  Did not sleep last night, spent time texting my friend Geoff, who was on his way to an interview - what! I hear you say - in the middle of the night!!  No, Geoff has moved to Australia so for him it was mid-day.  Was great to 'chat' with him.  Did the interview go well - don't know yet.

A busy day and tiring.  Faced the prospect of not being able to complete my Masters for mid July; have spoken to the Programme Leader and so will get an extension that will allow me to get it done in August ... all supposing I'm okay for that.  I am guessing that I will be able to function pretty much as normal once I get used to the condition.  Must check this out on the website -   Bells Palsy Association

Day Two

Well I woke this morning and thought perhaps I could move my left cheek a little, I could suck in that side of my mouth a little - an improvement!  Talking remains awkward.  It is my top lip that has got that little bit more strength and this proved to be so when I was brushing my teeth - no gushing of water out of the left side, just a dribble, so yes I think more control.

What I have got is severe neck pain down past behind the left ear ... is that usual, is that part of the condition?  Don't know ....

Well, today I need to be going into town - into Nottingham.  My eldest son has volunteered to drive me in and bring me home.  I was thinking about the tape over my eye and decided that I might as well have it as a feature, so I have coloured an eye onto the tape!  I've kept it blue - like my own - with a black outline - not like my own, I don't usually wear eye liner !!!! 

I am, inside, worried at the prospect of this condition being prolonged, I have therapy clients to see, and did cancels sessions for all this week.  Also I am completing my MA this July - well supposed to be .... I have a lot of reading writing and some talking to over this and right now find myself unable to sustain concentration or focus - haha - how do you focus with one eye !!!  

Notes from Day one

I decided to add this page following an unusual incident at the dentist.   Unusual, distressing, and informative ...

I'm told by my dentist that this side effect to the local anaesthetic has occurred for the only second time in the nine years of dentistry, plus four years of training.  To be singled out for such a unique honour was, on one hand amusing ... we are all so unique ... and on the other hand little comfort that I had drawn the short straw!

Well, that was Monday morning - when I visited the dentist.  The filling was minor, and actually not totally necessary, but for once I thought I might as well take (better) care of myself and so when ahead with the treatment.

The incident?  You are wondering what it was?   Succinctly, the anaesthetic did not wear off, it spread to the entire side of my face!   A visit back, followed by one to the doctor on Wednesday morning delivered the verdict as Bell's Palsey.

The most irritating and uncomfortable effect was my eye would not close, would not blink on its own.  I am writing this one eyed - and until you try this I think you may not appreciate the difficulty of hitting the right key in the right place!  The funniest thing - so far - is to watch me try to drink, or eat!  I guess this will lose its amusing quality fairly quickly!!!

If you are like me at all, you will not really know what Bell's Palsey actually is; maybe you have some idea, a few scraps of information picked up from others, gleaned over the years from conversations.

Bell's Palsey is an awful condition to have.  Much store is given over to this being brought on by stress - so perhaps there is a benefit for me having got this, since stress can be dealt with through therapy !

Go and find out more about this condition at this excellent website:  Bells Palsy Association

And that's all for now ... updates coming soon!!!