Maybe Christmas just can't be the same anymore. There is so much that is messed up perhaps it's time to grasp moments of joy in this world that is being overwhelmed with misery which is giving rise to this physical distress and illness.
The mounting woes, especially for you, experienced through the younger years that are supposed to be more carefree, are manifesting around the world in sickness and discontentment.
Time to embrace the periods of misery, unhappiness and despair, but with the support of loved ones. Time to let those who love you feel sorry for you. Time to recognise not feeling sorry for yourself is an avoidance of admitting being unwell emotionally; and so it is time to be sad, forlorn, despairing and so forth, without hiding it behind anger or a smile, or helpfulness and let your loved ones feel for you.
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